Badvertorial One ‘Esquire’ Undermines the Other – The Awl

MayItotallygayoutonyouforaminute?

TherearetwoEsquires,atwarwitheachother。

ThereisthemagazinethatpublishedtheRogerEbertprofile,whichis,byallaccounts,amazing。

(Ican’treadityetbecauseIdon’thaveanytimeforameltdownrightnow!

)Thenthereisthemagazinethatisproducing“InsideTheirOlympics:GetAll-AccessAnalysisfromLovelyAthletesattheWinterGames(EasierontheEyesThanCostas,Eh?

),”starring“NorthAmerica’sLoveliestOlympians,”which,wow,seriously,stabyourselves,yourironicMadMenshtickisnotactuallyironic。

IthinkitisthislatterEsquirethatisgivingawayclothes?

today。

“Thegraysuitisasartorialstaple,andit’stheexperttailorsatHugoBossthathammerhomethatpoint,”goestheadvertorialcopyEsquire,inasentencethatsimultaneouslyblowsandenlimpens(notaword!

)the?

mind。

Suitvalue:$1195。

00。

Nopurchaserequired!

Andotherconditions!

“Winnerswillbeselectedinarandomdrawingfromamongalleligibleentriesreceivedonorabout4/1/10。

Canadianwinnerswillberequiredtocorrectlyansweramathematicaltestingquestionasaconditionofreceivinga?

prize。



(Yes,it’sthealwaysamusingCanadiansweepstakeslawsat?

work。

)

So:HugoBoss?

Imean,fine,thisisanarticleofbusinessattire,andinoursociety,whichdespisesnudity,peoplemustwearclothing,especiallywhilepracticingbusiness。

(Evenin?

Canada。

)

Butrightnow,prettymucheverydecentwintersuitisonsalefor75%offrightnow。

Soanythingmadeofwoolcanbehadforless(oftenfarless)than$1200,whetheritisZegnaorNeilBarrettorPaulSmithoranything(bywhichImean,prettymucheverything)thatisbetterthanHugoBoss。

Thata(FREE!

)not-so-great$1200suitissupposedtobecandy-baittoEsquirereadersspeakspoorlyofexactlywhotheadvertorialstaffthinksareEsquirereaders。

(ParticularlywiththeALL-CAPSonTWELVE-HUNDRED-DOLLAR。

Iknow,Iknow:IamahomosexualwholivesinManhattan,butwhenIhear“$1200suit,”allIcanthinkis,“Uhhuh?

YoumeanlikeatMen’sWearhouseorwhatever?

”)

TheEsquirereadershouldbeturninghisnoseupatthissuit,inparticularbecauseheistoldineverysingleissuewhatsuitheshouldbuy(usuallyincorrectly,tobefair)andexactlyhowheshouldrolluphissleeves(wait,that’sGQ,sorry)andwhichcufflinksareforwearingafter6p。

m。

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